How I co-parent with my son's dad?!?!?
BY: GERI ASH
Let me start this off by saying that my son's dad (I will refer to him as Stan) and I did not end on excellent terms. When I met him, I was 19 years old and full of fantasies. I felt that we were in love when I decided that I wanted to have a baby with him. Mind you he wasn't even a part of the decision-making process that concluded that a baby was necessary to cement our relationship. I had gone through an abortion procedure the year prior, and I was desperate to fill that void with another baby. We couldn't even afford the everyday essentials to maintain a child at the time, but my eagerness to have a child was stronger than ever.
I got pregnant.
I went to social service to get it confirmed. I was so excited to be pregnant! Stan was not happy at first because he had already had a child and knew the sacrifices that would come. Me, on the other hand, had no idea how challenging being a mother would be. The baby arrived in June 2004, and our problems begin to increase. It led to emotional and physical abuse. I suffered from postpartum depression and tried to commit suicide on several different occasions. My friends and family didn't know the extent of the trauma until much later. We wanted to make it work for the sake of the kids for six years, but we were terrible for each other. Once we broke up, we put all of our attention into our son.
I was bitter at first. Stan doesn't deserve to see MY son not realizing that it was OUR son. He had as much right as I did. I finally understood that holding onto the pain was not going to teach our son the values of becoming a man one day. I put my feelings to the side and put our child's emotional well being first. It was the most significant decision I ever made. Stan and I could be in the same room without conflict. We never went to court and battled each other for custody or child support. We made this child together, and we are equally responsible for how he turns out. Putting the energy into developing your child is way more beneficial than arguing about things that happened in the past that you can't change. I feel it is easier to co-parent when you are no longer in love with the person. When I broke up with Stan, I didn't go back and have sex with him. I was very stern about that. I didn't want a false sense of emotions about the reality of our situation. I kept it about our child. Nothing more, nothing less.
Today we have an excellent co-parent relationship. There is no beef. There aren't any problems. We have become friends. If we put our kid on punishment than that punishment applies to both houses. There are no kids playing parents against each other. Stan and I are on the same team when it comes to the well being of our son.
How is your relationship with your kid's mom or dad? Where do you think you need to improve on your part? Leave your experience down below regarding your co-parenting relationship!
Thanks for reading,