"Will you please be my wife?" were the words he spoke to me on Saturday, October 1, 2016. A day I will never forget, God willing I don't develop Alzheimer's. It was the day I decided that all of my training to be a Wife would come in hand. The surprise of my life and the 1st day of the beginning of our hardcore lessons. We didn't know how much those two words meant until we said them..."I do". Pre-marital class and celibacy were the key components to prepare us for the emotional, mental and spiritual battles to face us ahead. We learned a lot but we were not fully equipped to face reality head on without a little turmoil, because Marriage! It's a life lesson. See you can love someone unconditionally but that doesn't mean that you will never disappoint or hurt them (Shout out to my Husband for giving me that gem) I think that's the greatest misconception of marriage. We walk into it thinking this will solve all of our problems and everyday we will fall in love ALL over again. WRONG. There are so many variables to a marriage. So many things that can disrupt that unconditional love. We were about to find out just what that meant. And Lord knows we were both so stubborn but also loved each other very much. So how do you balance the two and fix your issues?!? Well you have to love the fact that God has ordained this union. Okay know that about God but what about when you both are not seeking him like you use to. What does that look like? It means the arguments last longer, there's a lack of communication. Sooner or later you have egg shells all over your home because that is what you're walking on when it comes to expressing how you feel to the person who you once held no punches with. I know I know if may seem like I'm rambling but I KNOW that there is someone out there that understands exactly what I'm saying.
When you allow the enemy to now take presidency in your home subconsciously you allow any and everything to disrupt what God has blessed you with. The kids, family, finances, friends, career and so forth and so on. You look up and wonder how did we get here. Well it started when we stop praying with and for each other. I know that sounds harsh but it gets to the point where you are so hurt because your belief was this person "would never hurt me like this" but truth is they are the one person that can. The sooner you come to grips that disappointment should have been a word in your vows and accept that it is not intentional but it is two human beings colliding their worlds together so it is inevitable. There were times within the 1st year that my Husband disappointed me and I was so hurt because it almost felt intentional but I knew his love for me couldn't possibly allow him to make my heart feel so hurt. However, the enemy was playing a huge role in our marriage and because the prayers stopped it was easy for him to come in and feed me thoughts of "he can't possibly love me". Its so easy to hear the enemy when you have failed to follow proper steps to keep God close to you. My thoughts took control of my spirit and didn't allow me to break free because I resorted back to my old ways mentally, Running. I had no clue I was STILL dealing with it. But apparently I was.
What I've learned is that the things we do are coming from a place we once tried to write off and didn't deal with it. Well I am finding that my marriage actually helps to show me, ME. It helps me to deal with facing my triggers head on. "Where are they coming from?", "Why am I so hurt?", "Who did it?". These are the questions I ask myself in order to understand my reactions to my emotions. My marriage will not be a statistic, it will be revolutionary! I say ALL this to say, marriage is not a game it is a LIFETIME commitment so if you are not ready to commit to owning YOUR mess and fixing it... DON'T BOTHER GETTING MARRIED!
Until next time, KEEP MOMMING IT!!!