WHO TOLD YOU TO GROW UP?

Written By April Michelle

You ever had a pill that was so hard to swallow so you put it in water to try to make it dissolve? Well that’s what’s happening with me and Capri, my 18-year-old. My child thinks she’s grown. When I was her age I was basically living with my ex-husband. My mother was on drugs and my sister had her own kids to take care of. So as long as I went to school and kept my grades up I could stay there. I was going to school during the day and playing house at night. Being grown was easier than my real life at home. I just remember how hard I had it at her age. I woke up one morning about a week after my high school graduation. I slid a note under my sister’s door that said “I’m pregnant and I’m keeping it.” Fast forward to 18 years later, Capri sends a text that rocks my world. The text reads “I don’t want to do days anymore!”0. Her Dad and I had a solid spilt schedule for 14 years. Mon-Tue was Dad’s house, Wed-Thurs. Mom’s house and we alternated the weekends. I know what you’re thinking that doesn’t sound too bad right? Her wanting to witch things up. Wrong! When I saw the text. I was pissed because she sent it in our parent group. She sent a text when I was sitting 3 feet away from her. Why didn’t she just talk me. What made it even worst was the response from her dad and his girlfriend in agreement. It made me feel that they were sitting back gossiping about this. I cried off and on for 3 days. On the third day I couldn’t hold it to myself. I couldn’t even control the tears. I had to get up from my desk and cry outside. I called and cried to my husband and my friends. No one seemed to understand why I was so hurt.

As a mom I felt like I knew where she was at all times with the schedule. That text sent me through all kinds of emotions and had me asking questions like “Why doesn’t she want to be over my house.” Why does she prefer her dad’s house or even her grandmother’s house over mine? I had so many questions. All of these emotions took me by surprise. No one prepared me for these type of emotions. “Why didn’t my sister tell me?” Would I have still been a complete mess with all of his? I was just so sad that she’s 18 now, no longer my baby and can legally make her own decision. The thing that took me out was not feeling like I could continue to protect her. Protect her from the world, protect her from making bad decisions, and bad friends. When I was her age I struggled with label of “Trying to be grown!” I didn’t want to be grown but that was the hand I was dealt. I don’t ever want her to deal with things I went through. So, the text made me feel like I had to let her go and letting her go made me feel like I wouldn’t be able to keep her from harm’s way.