WHY I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD?
BY: GERI ASH
People always email me and ask "When are you going to have more children?" The answer to that question is I don't want any more children. I'm celibate, and I still take my birth control pills. If we ever did slip up on that front, I'd have the protection flowing throughout my body. It may come as a shock, but parenting is not the highlight of my life. By deciding to have one child, I discovered early on that it wasn't my cup of tea. The amount of responsibility that falls in your lap can be somewhat stressful. My son knows I love him, but he also tells me not to have more kids. People think because I have a boyfriend that we have to procreate together. He has three children from previous relationships. Isn't that enough? I much rather get the step-mom role than the mom-in-charge role. The mothers of his children never have to worry about me trying to take over their position. I'm cool being friends with the kids.
When you first have children, everything is about them. As my son started to get older, he needed me less. If there is food in the house, I will never hear from him. My legal responsibility ends soon. I will be 38 years old with a high school graduate! When you get pregnant at twenty without have a dime to your name it challenges your respect for the art of parenting. Everything you planned to do takes longer to accomplish. The time you once had for fulfilling your creative needs fades out. Do I regret having my son? No, I don't because it gave me the knowledge I needed to decide if I wanted to expand my family in the future. It also put me in certain situations that stimulated my growth as a woman. The older I get, the more I embrace selfishness. People frowned upon you being selfish, but I feel like it is a requirement sometimes. The things that I dreamt of doing before becoming a mother are back on my radar. My son supports all of it. You get to a point in life when you realize that your only title in life is not Mom. We may consume many titles. Parenting is such a small portion of our lives. Who will we be once the kids leave?
I believe in my kid becoming who God intended for him to be. I feel that you can accomplish this by allowing a child's individuality to expand. I don't push all of my views on my child. I don't want to create a carbon copy of myself. I want him to be who he is. The way I parent my kid is not traditional in the least bit. I let him know all of the mishaps I've experienced in life with the hope that he can avoid them. I don't tell him who can date, what he needs to become in life, or who he should love. Those are solely his choices.
Sometimes as parents we let our authoritative roles get to our heads too much. Being a parent doesn't equate to be a correctional officer. If I tell Devin to do something and he expresses to me why he can't, we immediately categorize this as back talking. What if he is genuinely express critical points on why it can't happen? I don't want a child that is afraid to use his voice.
Not wanting to have a child is something I am not willing to budge on. If I get in a situation to where the guy wanted a child, I will let him free to do so with someone who equally wanted it as bad as him. Luckily my boyfriend understands my reasoning for not wanting to have more children. I want to be in a state where I can eventually focus my energy on my creativity, my man, traveling, and doing whatever we see fit. I plan on enjoying my 40's. Always remember that kids become adults.
Thanks for reading,
Geri Ash